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Pagan Breakfast God Mask

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$27.95 $22.95

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I’m not sure I can get behind the Pagan Breakfast God enough to make a Jesus fish version of him for my car. Obviously I dig the idea of a god lookin’ out for my breakfast, but the only 2 known photographs of him (see above) are concerning. In them this supposed “god” of the best and most important meal of the day looks, first, pensive, and, then, 10/10 Strung. Out.

It’s like he goes from, “Hmmm, whatever will I make for breakfast today?” to “Stop! Stop placing orders! I just…I can’t keep up! We’re almost out of pancake batter! 86 bacon! And no more poached eggs! Do you hear me? They can have scrambled or fried, but I’m not – do you hear me? – I’m not cooking one more f***ing poached egg!”

It’s just weird because as the pagan god of breakfast, this dude should 1) have an infinite mental archive of breakfast dishes and always know the exact perfect thing to make; and 2) be able to make breakfast for a crowd – of millions – without batting an eyelid. Isn’t the point of being a god that you have complete control over the thing you’re the god of? If Pagan Breakfast God looks like anything here, it’s like he’s lost all control.

Maybe you could do a better job, especially now that part of his uniform is up for grabs.

The Pagan Breakfast God mask is made of EVA foam and spans 14-1/2″ wide. It’s sure to be a popular last-minute Halloween costume. Wear the mask with a Ramen Hoodie and some Pizza Pants, and go as Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner.

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